SEVEN STORM

ABRUPT SOLUTIONS

I've got 'em. You don't want 'em.
Go to WORLD ON FIRE

WORLD ON FIRE

Did you ever wonder what would happen if you took that Ink Spots song about not setting the world on fire and did the opposite? Well, I did.

That’s why I’m here. I both want to set the world on fire AND start a flame in your heart. That’s why I’m using incendiary rounds.

Go to I MAIN YOUR MOM

I MAIN YOUR MOM

You seem to have misunderstood the essential nature of our interactions here.

Do I come to your job and slap your dad’s dick out of your mouth? No? Then don’t fucking tell me not to play Bastion, fuckbag.

Go to You’re Not Special

You’re Not Special

I just got a phone call from 2031. They wanted me to tell you that you’re dead and all your time and effort spent on this planet was a waste.

Also, your genome has been formally defined as nonhuman. Technically, you’re a new form of inedible, complaining zucchini.

Go to THINK OF THE CHILDREN

THINK OF THE CHILDREN

What the complete idiots who tell me this don’t realize is that I’m always thinking about the children.

That’s why I have the AR-15 with standard-capacity thirty-round magazines and carry a pistol everywhere I go. Yes, even there.

explanation without apology

How, exactly, am I the asshole?

Did you ever wish that you could hurt people, over the internet, without much effort? We here at Seven Storm did, and now look at us. We're causing you maximum offense at minimum expense.

Whether it's pissing off users, mangling your data without backing it up, or actually physically hurting people and breaking their things you can trust Seven Storm for all your negative consequences.

If you begin to wonder if you'll ever make a significant contribution to the world, remember that in the vast infiniteness of all that encompasses the universe you are the tiniest dot on the tiniest dot. Your thoughts, feelings and problems are materially insignificant.

  • Oh look, it's already been used.

  • Our advanced Sodium Podium frustration-distribution technology ensures maximum salinity per input watt of electricity.

  • To maximize complaints per dollar, we generally only waste money when it's important. Mostly through installing cranial A/C in bystanders.

  • This one's pretty self-explanatory.

THE TEAM

People gettin' real sour about my shit over here.

FATE EVERYWHERE

CEO, Fight Attendant, Taint Demolitions Expert
I’m not only here to make you feel bad about yourself, I’m here to make you feel bad about associating with me in any way whatsoever.

My patience is gone. I’m at the point now where the subtle and calm solution is just calling you a fuckbag.

RICHARD

PAYDAY 2, Best at Ghost
Okay, so we’re going to sneak in and fuck ’em up. I don’t care if it goes loud, just so long as I had the shot at making it go smoothly and quietly first.

I don’t particularly give a fuck about how you want to start the alarm. Don’t be a fucking child.

SST LABS E-54

OVERWATCH, Bullet Hose
Aw. Lookit da little baby who can’t tolerate someone playing a “low-tier” hero on their game.

Go play competitive mode if you want to get ranked, chump. Don’t bitch at me because I’m having fun.

Scary, Evil Black Rifle

REAL WORLD, offensive to retards
Don’t be a racist fuck, you racist fuck. Black rifles can be pretty too.

Just because they don’t star in porn alongside your children doesn’t mean that they’re not important.

Unsuspecting Populace

I tell you, the shit people say about us.

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